21stcenturyed.com

“Are you okay?”

These three little words can make the difference between closing the door on a child and opening up a dialogue. When I train teachers how to help disengaged students, I train teachers (in both online and face-to-face environments) to begin each conversation with this simple query.

But such a small thing can have such a huge impact. I’ve recently begun an interview process with teachers I trained a year ago in this technique. These teachers were chosen because there is objective evidence that students in their classes have higher levels of engagement and academic activity than students in other teachers’ classes instructing the exact same course and content. I’ve only gotten through the first four interviews so far. However three of the four teachers indicated that they used this technique when talking to disengaged students and the effect was very positive.

In some instances kids actually started handing in work and trying after doing basically nothing for quite some time in the course. For others, it at least let them save face and admit that they were deep in the hole and needed help to get out. Still in other cases, the students really weren’t alright. They had suffered a miscarriage…their father was diagnosed with cancer…they were struggling to care for their children while still only children themselves…they can’t afford the Internet connection to take part in their online courses.

Starting conversations with disengaged students with the phrase “Are you okay?” does many things.

• It lets the student know (or begin to suspect) that you care
  
• It changes the conversation from “Why are you such a failure?” to “How can I help you succeed?”
  
• It immediately provides the student with an opportunity to accept help that they would never ask for on their own
  
• It can uncover potentially critical problems requiring non-academic services.
  
• It returns basic human dignity to a student who may be feeling overwhelmed and drowning
  

But most of all, it opens the dialogue between the teacher and the student.

Sure – you can call a kid with guns blazing: “You do realize that you are failing this course, right? Do you have any idea what this is going to do to your chances of getting into college or having a good job? What are you doing – looking at MySpace all day?” But only do this if you want to effectively end the relationship between you and your student – and the one between your student and their learning. Pointing out that a student is failing when they are clearly completely disengaged is like telling a person who is on fire that they are on fire. They already know it – they don’t need you to rub it in. They need you to help.

Or you can find out what is really going on with your students. Assume nothing – ask them “Are you okay?”

Then be prepared to do something with their answer.